I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Randomize
