Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
