I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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