thus making me awesome and them whores
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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