Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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