I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
