I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
