i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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