dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
