Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
