he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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