Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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