We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
