NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
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got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
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You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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