the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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