Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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