i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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