Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
