At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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