the new term for farting is butt boxing.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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