he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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