i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
