Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
