It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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