and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
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I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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