it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
