Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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