i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Welp...herpes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
