Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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