Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
