opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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