I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
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