Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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