i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
