If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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