I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
