he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize