My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
