I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We have so much sex to catch up on
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
