i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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