He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
