You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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