The maid of honor just puked.
i think my tv is drunk
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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