He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
