...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
