You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
