can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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