yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
