There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
