I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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