We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
