I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
