The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
