It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
