i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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