I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
